Without further ado...

Sorry guys, I've been out of town where I have had no access to electricity, internet, or running water. But I am back am ready to be random. Here I go!

1. I would love to be a demolition derby driver. I have it all planned out. My car will be pink, my number on the car 24, and my driver name will be Candy Apple. I have my whole alter-ego worked out! You think Biker Babe might be my alter-ego? No ma'am, it's not!

2. I am very perplexed by this spoon. I have one in my drawer. Please tell me, why do you need a spoon with a whole in the middle of it? What purpose does it serve that a regular spoon or even a slotted spoon cannot accomplish? It is driving me nuts!

3. I have a glass eye.

4. Just kidding, I don't have a glass eye. It was just very random, even if it wasn't true!

5. Professions I've aspired to throughout my life, other than a demolition derby driver: firefighter, doctor, truck driver (I thought it'd be so cool to travel across the country and get paid for it), teacher, nurse, social worker, juvenile detention teacher/counselor, NBA basketball player (notice I didn't say WNBA, I wanted to play with the men!), rock star, orchestra conducter, and finally, mommy.

6. I had a super-huge crush on my college math teacher. He was probably in his late 20's, early 30's at the time. He had long, red, fuzzy hair that he pulled into a ponytail, a goatee, and wore Birkenstocks all the time. He even had a beer belly. Looking back I realize that I definitely liked him for his brain. He was passionate about math and life. Anyway, my roommates and I found out where he lived and basically stalked him, totally in a "I'm not a crazy, I just want to know what he's like outside of school" way. One time we were sitting outside his house debating whether he had a girlfriend or was gay when he walked out. I screamed and ducked. Stupid me, the window was open so he heard and looked our way. I was so embarrassed. After that, everytime he called on me to answer a question in class I turned bright red. Not too obvious, right?

7. I love doing my taxes. I know, weird. Of course, my life is uncomplicated enough that I don't need tons of forms or anything. But I love calculating things out and I love filling out forms.

8. Since I wasted a number with the whole glass eye thing I thought I'd share another random fact. I don't really like chocolate all that much. I hear a collective gasp! I mean, sometimes I get a craving...but not often.

Blog Etiquette

I ran into a blog post today that talked about blogging etiquette. Check it out.

After reading the post I have to apologize for my lack of manners when it comes to my blog. Apparently not posting often is very rude to my readers (and friends) and I sincerely apologize. Really, I do. I know how annoying it is to like someone's blog, but only have them post like once a year. What are some of your pet peeves when it comes to blogging? One of mine is definitely punctuation and grammar. If I have to have a secret decoder ring to read the post usually I just skip it. Know what I mean?

Secret Crush?

I saw this on the Today show and it interested me. I thought it might be a good little topic for us. The video is about 5 minutes (with a little ad in the beginning), so check it out if you have a moment. And tell me what you think.

Moms: Do you have a secret crush?

I'll start since I'm the one who brought it up. I haven't had a crush on a non-celebrity since I've been married. However, there are a couple of leading men out there who I definitely have little crushes on. Patrick Dempsey, Gerard Butler, and (I can't believe I'm going to admit this) teen heart throb Orlando Bloom. I guess to me having a crush on someone who is totally untouchable makes it okay. To have a crush on someone who I talk to everyday would be a lot harder for me to rationalize. The other day I asked my hubby who he thought was hot out in celebritydom and he thought it would offend me. I explained that even though we are married it doesn't mean people automatically go unattractive. So no, it wouldn't offend me. I still couldn't get anyone out of him. I guess he thought he'd better be safe than sorry, although I wouldn't have been mad in the slightest.

How about you?

DogGone It!

Speaking of dogs (okay, we weren't really speaking, but I just reread Xanadiva's entry about her poopy neighbor) today I took the Littles to the park. We had really good time. The weather was nice, the sun was shining, the breeze was blowing...and then some lady showed up with her dog and freaked out my kids. The dog, apparently really nice and docile and doesn't bite (as the lady kept saying) got in my youngest Littles' face and she started screaming bloody murder. I swept her up and it took her several minutes to comfort her. She was shaking she was so scared. I was pretty mad


Now don't get me wrong, I love dogs. Granted, I'm not so much a pet person and will probably never own one; everyone in my house is allergic. But no matter how nice your dog is I firmly believe that when it is around other people, especially children, it MUST BE ON A LEASH! Not everyone wants your dog in their face! And even after the dog freaked out my kid and I threw the lady all kinds of dirty looks, she still didn't put her on the dang leash that she had conveniently tucked in her pocket. Do people just not get it? I guess I should have been a little more direct and actually said something. When am I going to learn to speak my mind?

I Am Petrified of...

chaffing nipples and dangling participles. Oh yeah, and water. Does that mean I have rabies?

Wee Problems

* I check out Dear Prudence every now and then. This one made me chuckle. Tell me, what would you do if you were Forced to Stall?

Dear Prudence,
Male bathroom etiquette is fairly straightforward, but we have one person on the floor who makes the rest of us uncomfortable. We have a standard bathroom with two urinals, three stalls, and three sinks for male employees in our office. The urinals are to the left of the sinks and the stalls to the right. There is one person, whom I will call Pierre (for one who pees through the air), who stands an uncomfortable (for the rest of us) distance from the urinal. I estimate that he's about 20 to 24 inches away from the porcelain when he goes. Since there are two urinals, if one of us is second into the bathroom we can go to one of the stalls to do our business. But there are times when a person can be trapped at the first urinal, as Pierre mans up to the second one, which makes it more uncomfortable trying to slide between him and the wall to get out. Pierre is a weightlifter type who probably knocks back 128 ounces of water a day; he's in the bathroom often, and he's not very friendly. We would like management to talk to him, but we don't know how to bring it up.
—Forced To Stall


Dear Forced,
I thought I should refer this to someone with more knowledge of men's-room etiquette matters. Then I decided Sgt. Dave Karsnia of the Minneapolis-St. Paul Airport Police Department probably has enough going on right now. This seems rather a wee problem to take to management. Unless you're quite certain a bathroom is being used for drug deals or sexual encounters, it's probably best not to write a joint letter about a colleague's long stance while urinating. I understand from my sources that asking Pierre to move while midstream can lead to havoc, so if you find yourself snared and the wait seems excessive, just continue squeezing by. But since the problem is getting trapped at the first urinal, if Pierre's not in there when you arrive, why don't you all make a habit of going to the second urinal? And let's face it, if this is the biggest problem of your day, urine luck.
—Prudie

Phew!

I'm sorry for neglecting my friends and loyal readers out there (all two of you)! I just returned from a much needed, cross-country bike ride. I visited many historical sites, including:

and:

I had to stop here. It clearly says, "Stop here, Abe did!" So I did. What else could I do?

I could not resist this in Rye, Arizona (humor at it's finest):

And last, but certainly not least, my tour would not have been complete without visiting the Dog Line Memorial in Tasman National Park.

I am back now. My fabulous roadtrip is over. It was so nice to see the United States and learn so much about it's history. Perhaps next year I'll head on overseas where I can experience true European culture. I am going to be sure to check out this Cowboy Saloon in the Ukraine. I hear it is the must-see of any trip to Europe. European culture at it's finest.